I want to wreck shop on Federal Aviation

I wish my first blog post could be all sunshine and skittles and my little ponies. Admittedly, it was going to be. I've been riding a high...just scored a new job and two of my good friends are getting married this weekend. This high, however, came to a crashing blow yesterday. I spent over 12 hours sitting in Laguardia airport, and I'm currently stranded in Atlanta, Georgia, awaiting a flight to Dallas.

Has anyone ever flown AirTran? If the answer is yes, I'm sorry. If the answer is no, I'm sorry. Sorry that you cannot even comprehend what's gone on in the past 20 hours. This, mind you, goes far past cranky passengers (there were hoards) and butthead employees (also hoards). Those are just the tip of the iceberg.

My tale is more about the small boy who liked to kick my purse, scream WOOOOOOO at me, and then speak to me in Chinese. It's about his mother who would also speak to me in Chinese. If you wanted to learn a little fact about me, I'm not Chinese. Sometimes my brother and I pretend we are, but that's an entirely different blog post altogether.

It's about the brilliant announcer who continued to shout "IF YOU ARE FLYING STAND BY PLEASE.......STAND...BY." Thank you for those insightful directions. It's about the same announcer who screams at the 11th hour (literally) "ALL YA'LL NEED TO MOVE ASIDE. WE NEED TO DEPLANE THE PLANE SO WE CAN THEN RE-PLANE THE PLANE ON THE PLAIN." Oh. Oh really sir? How many planes is that? I just want to make sure I "de" and "re" them correctly and in the correct order.

When I finally got on the plane, the Flight Impediments (as I call them) had the audacity to use jubilant voices and request that we all sign up for the extra special AirTran Visa. YES PLEASE! I want to earn rewards and gold stars and doubletripley points so I can fly on this craptastic airline on a regular basis. This sentiment was solidified, of course, when the pilot flew the aircraft with the grace and poise of a drunk Llama.

Of course, the antics couldn't end on the flight. Why, the fun just had to continue in HotLanta. The story here (thus far) is about the woman who wanted me to train her on her MacBook, though everything is in Russian. She's now followed me across four gates and parked herself right across from me. She tried to sneak attack and look at the blog. As it stands now, I've showed her how to find Microsoft Excel and Word. I showed her how to access the internet, and how to change her password on Facebook. She keeps calling me "You Darling Baby." I call her UCS (prounounced "ucks") for Utter Creep Show.


There are a number of other stories, but I covered some important ground. Though AirTran has given me no reason to be, I'm hopeful that I'll make it to Dallas. I plan on taking an exorbitant amount of pictures at the wedding posting some for all to see.

This has been AirTran Anecdotes brought to you by Helen. And remember, they're 100 percent truth. How does one know? Because, well... you can't make this sh*t up.